Sober
by DDR1
Summary: I don't sleep much anymore." A story of lost youth in a dark underworld, of shady deeds and puppet masters pulling the strings behind veils of smoke. This ain't any ordinary Kingdom Hearts Fic, you can bet your gumshoes on it.
1. Better Left Unsaid

I don't sleep much anymore.

Twisted staircases, shards of glass, innumerable shadows that consume me whole; these dreams I had of drowning in my subconscious. Every time I replayed it, the choices I made and the paths I took all led to the same fate – smothered in the darkness, gasping for breath, fighting for my mind in the night. I don't intend to sound depressive, desperate for attention, or to give the impression that this is an extension of the truth. It simply was this real to me. I felt my body tumble as wave after wave hit the shore, the golden beaches that should glow turned icy-cold. I felt the warmth of the setting sun on my face along with the cool breeze of evening blowing through my sleeves. I felt it all. And when it all faded away and I found myself lying in bed, the lights switched on and the blurry image of my mother yelling back at me, I felt so ashamed.

They were just nightmares, after all.

Where as children we would play had become our usual haunt, spending endless summer days on shining shores and in treehouses that had long outgrown their trees. The younger children looked up to me, to the others, sparring amongst one another in an effort to reign supreme. Everyone trying to best everyone, and every now and then this means war breaks out. It's kinda cute, the way they took it so seriously. Filled with Pipe dreams of fantastic battles, they played with wooden swords and skipping rope until the last remnants of sunlight slipped out of sight. And we three would sit on the beach, watching over them, protecting them, a generation apart.

There had been a time when we ourselves had been just like them, young and unabashedly hopeful, laughing and playing, competing against one another in silly fights and races. Nowadays, we barely see, let alone talk to, one another. Every now and then my mother would ask me the age old question of, "Whatever happened to ol' so and so? Oh isn't it such a shame you drifted apart..." In the late nights, in nameless bars with smoky pool tables and gruff bartenders, he would sometimes walk up and order a drink, glancing at me and momentarily holding his stare. Then with a slight nod he'd draw his attention to the drink in hand and scull it, all at once, the ice chinking against the side of the glass. And that would be it; he'd disappear into the darkened masses that surround that town, only to resurface a couple months, or a couple of years later.

But hey, I'm skipping ahead of myself. I haven't even done the introductions yet.

So my name is Sora, which I've been told means sky, or something like it. My mother was always one to have her head in the clouds, so I guess it makes sense. I was 14 when it all went down, an age far too young to have to deal with something like this. Then there was Riku. Now he was 15, and even though it was only a year's difference, he reigned over us all. He was faster, stronger, an enigma to most, a mystery to us, always so calm and controlled. I was so jealous of him, and in retrospect, that was probably what made things so much worse. And last was Kai. With her flowing red hair, she was beautiful. A ruby glistening in the sun, she knew just how pretty she was. She held such sway over Riku and I, along with all of the other islanders, caught under her spell. Foolishly, as only a 14 year-old could be, I thought I was in love with her once. It's been a long time since I've seen her, and if I did, I don't know what I would say. I don't think words could do me justice. Some things just can't be said.

So this is my tale, I hope you enjoy watching it stretch and snap back into place. It's not pretty and perfect, and it isn't supposed to be, because I'm not pretty and I damn well not perfect. I'm not seeking redemption or recognition, but to warn others of what they can become. The nightmares of childhood's past, strange men smelling of alcohol in the early hours, the broken man waiting for a seat at a train station where trains never leave, the lonely good-for-nothing bum telling his story as though someone might care.

It started with a raft.

* * *

**A/N: **So... I haven't been here in *literally* years. Reading back on some of my stuff, it all seems so silly and protracted and painfully obvious and stereotypical and BORING. So this is a new story I'm busting out. It's something a bit different and radical. I'm going to start shaking things up. Hope you dig it.

Let's own the night.  
**DDR1.**


	2. Perspective

I can't describe the way she looked at me then.

Her vivid blue eyes were unfocused, her voice distant. The howling wind of childhood monsters grumbled and roared, bouncing off the walls and echoing out in to the night. The storm outside simply replied with a fresh gust of wind, filling the space with a bitter cold that chilled the very soul. It wasn't safe here. It wasn't right. The storm hovered above us and drew ever closer to ripping the very island itself apart, darkness clawing at the edges, creeping along wild shores.

Under any other circumstances, I probably would have done more. I know I shouldn't beat myself up so much, but there was so much more. It could have changed everything. Right here I set it all in motion, and I affected so many lives, innocent and guilty. They rip at me when I'm asleep, flashes of familiar faces, memories that refuse to fade. Even then I had trouble sleeping with the recurring dreams that never made sense. Those dreams pale in comparison to the horrors that fill my mind now.

But I was just a boy then. A 14 year-old child in an adult's world, trying to figure it all out. All I did was stand there. She looked at me, pleading, in her last moments.

"Sora..." She whispered.

And I could have done so much more.

With a roar, the floodgates broke and the darkness rushed past us, sweeping us off our feet and out of the cave, to where the raging storm awaited to devour us. I reached out a hand, trying to catch her, hold her safe and protect her; I only ended up grasping at wisps of smoke. Tumbling and turning, I lost sight of her. With a sickening crack my head collided with solid rock, and in an instant my world was plunged in to darkness. It would be hours before I would awaken, but even then one thing was certain.

She was gone.

~T W O D A Y S P R E V I O U S~

"Let's build a raft!"

It was summertime, and at first I thought she was joking. She had to be joking. It was insanity, a childhood fantasy made real by the potential our age gave us and the lack of peripheral vision that came along with it. "Come on, it'll be fun! Don't you want to get off this island?" She would tease, playing with her hair, twirling a strand of red round her finger as she had me pinned under her thumb. The momentary sparkle in her eye and mischievous grin that she instantly hid away won it over. She was a pro at getting her way - and Riku and I didn't mind one bit. After all, we had all summer long to kill, and not a lot of stuff to fill the time with – what's lost with a few weeks of dreaming?

And so with the sand sparkling between her toes as she sat in the sun and cheered us on, sunglasses hiding her eyes so we never knew which one of us she was looking at, we built. Needed wood? No problem. A sail? That old bed sheet won't be missed. Blinded by love, I craved her. I was driven crazy by how I couldn't get inside her head and work her out. And I knew Riku was too. He would watch her out of the corner of his eye, his expression studious, observant, and entranced. And Kairi would just smile at us, as she soaked in the sunlight, shinning like a princess.

When our day's work was done and the sun started to settle into the ocean, we three sat on the beach and watched the horizon as the world faded to a burning red, then to dark blue, calming and soothing with only the sounds of our thoughts and the tide lapping at the shore. Polaroid photos captured the moments, the sepia-tone flash of overexposure, of silly poses and group shots, tinged golden by the sun. We shared our hearts, our dreams and our desires with one another. But always bubbling away under the surface, threatening to boil over at any moment was the jealousy between Riku and me.

"So... how far do you think a raft could take us?" I questioned, the words floating along the evening breeze.  
"Who knows?" Riku's words were sharp, puncturing and deflating my question, the breeze no longer in my sails. He didn't even turn to look at me, just continued to stare out to the ocean. Scowling, I leaned back on a tree nearby, Kairi sitting between us, unable to feel the electricity of tension she was in the middle of.

After several long moments of silence, Kairi stretched, yawned, then stood up to walk away. "It's cold, let's go." She didn't need to ask us twice, at once we were both to our feet, Kairi leading the way to the port where our little canoes would take us back to the main island. Just out of Kairi's earshot, Riku shouldered past me, dropping a piece of fruit in my hand.

"Come on Sora, I know you want to try it. Just you try." Riku teased in a low voice, not turning back to see my expression on my face. I had stopped in my tracks, the heavy Paopu fruit in hand. Its history, more mythology, was well known to children and adults alike. "If two people share one, their destinies become intertwined. They become a part of each other's lives, no matter what." Riku cooed, mocking me, adding a dramatic glare of his azure eyes.

I wanted to punch him right then and there.

Kairi broke the moment, cheerfully calling out for us to come to the boats, unaware of the kettle whistling in our ears as we reached boiling point. We held our glares a moment longer, the second slowing down to a grinding halt, until finally after what seemed an age Riku turned and resumed walking along the path. Light was fading fast, and the shadow of Riku's form grew longer and longer with every step he took towards the shore.

"Come Oonnn!!" Kairi yelled, and tossing the Paopu aside, I chased after them, the night's air already cooled and the first traces of stars glimmering in the auburn sky.

~*~

"He's changed." Kairi looked at her sandals, playing with them as her feet dangled off the edge of the pier. The waves moved slowly but rhythmically, the boards creaked with the sway of the tide. It was sunset again, and Riku had already headed home for the night. I looked at her with such a longing, my gaze unwavering from her. She must have felt it, as she continued to just play with her feet and stare out to the horizon. "Please, don't you change." It was such a strange thing for her to say then. Her voice seemed to break a little, as if she were frightened, by some unseen shadows. I should have held her then. If I knew then, I would have squeezed every last moment I had with her, holding her close, heartbeat to heartbeat.

That is, after all, the beauty of retrospect.

As we traped back to our boats, I should have held her hand, maybe kiss her as we said our goodbyes and headed home for the night. We would row side-by-side, and walk together again along the path from the shore to the suburbs, giggling at our silliness for saying goodbye already. And then we would finally arrive at a crossroads, and we would take our separate ways, looking back and laughing, waving happily as we went.

Of course, we didn't. I sat a long time on that pier, alone, mind ticking with all those possibilities, long past the last glimmer of sunlight. As the night grew colder, and the wind began to pick up, I finally unfroze myself from my position and set out over the tides, the boat bobbing and swaying in the sea. When I finally got home, my mother scolded me for being so late, and sent me to my room – which is pretty funny, and pretty petty a thing for me to have gotten upset about, but I was just a kid, after all. In a huff, I crashed in to my bed, still dressed, and drifted off to sleep, with dreams filled with her.

~*~

I awoke to the roar of thunder ringing in my ears.

I didn't know what time it was, but the darkness outside told me it was late. The whirr of wind whipped at my window sails, the rain spattering heavily against the house. I'm not sure how, but I had a feeling that Kairi would be out there, on the island, trying to protect the raft we had worked so hard to build. We didn't think about the dangers that such a storm would have in store for us, all that mattered to her was that raft. And so it became all that mattered to me.

When I got there, the rain had subsided, but the thunder and the wind remained, making every stroke along the way a battle against the raging tides. Struggling to tie the boat to the dock, I desperately looked around for her, spotting only her boat. And another, which only could have meant one thing: Riku was here too. Running along the shore, neither of them was in sight, and the raft was already lying ruined on the beach. Darkness was emerging from the sea, prying, waiting to claim a victim. Impatiently, I screamed out their names, but my voice was immediately lost to the wind.

Checking the shack, and the treehouse, they were nowhere to be found. At last I remembered, an old place where as children, much younger than we were then, we had discovered and covered the walls with our scribbles and games, a place hidden by the trees and the falls. Struggling to crawl through the small gap that I once could stand in, I made my way through the tunnel, which eventually opened up to a large cavern, at the very core of the island. For a moment there was silence, and the storm seemed to have faded away, as I realised she was there.

"Sora..." She whispered.

And I could have done so much more.

**

* * *

A/N: **So... this may seem to be following the general KH storyline so far but it will digress soon enough... in a way, at least. I'd like to think I'm kinda "rebooting" the series, as it were, similar to the current Bond and Batman films, with a darker undertone, and more exploration of common themes - and most importantly a divergent storyline (it really wouldn't be fanfiction if it didn't, really). I hope you enjoy it, and let me know what you think.

I write with Notepad.  
**DDR1.**

* * *


	3. Four Words

"_Sora?"  
"Kairi?"  
"...Yeah. How-hows things?"  
"Status Quo."  
"It's been a while..."  
"Six months."_

_~*~_

"_I'm looking for Kairi."  
"Hey, Sora, maybe you shouldn't be here."  
"Where's Kai?"  
"I don't know."  
"I know you do so why don't you want me to know?"  
"Listen man I've got plenty on my plate without dealing with some jealous loverboy."  
"It's not about that."  
"Well you better deal with whatever this ain't about and drop it."  
"Where's she at?"_

~*~

It was six months on, the coolness of winter had fully set in; six long months without a word, without a hint of where she might be. Nothing in the papers, not a word from anyone. I didn't talk to Riku anymore, it was as if Kairi had been the only common bond we shared, and without her we had no reason to stick together.

Then my family up and moved, much to my chagrin, further into the mainland. Though we were still rural, we sat just outside the city limits of Traverse Town, a glittering town of mismatched people trying to find their way home. As much as I wished to return to the islands, it seemed like a fitting place to start searching. School was running on full cylinders however, so searching had started to fade into the background noise of life. Whenever I brought it up, others just shrugged it off and said she probably was with her rich parents travelling again.

What time I did spend searching proved fruitless. Traverse Town was dangerous, the underworld running deep into the very darkness of people's own hearts. While shopkeepers smiled and offered whatever they specialised in, in the backroom there was certainly at least 4 of their children running a small "business" of their own. Trawling the alleys proved even dirtier. No one believed my story. I began to think that she was lost forever.

Then she called me.

With lunch just beginning, the little paper note slipped into my locker flittered to the ground, folded elegantly like only she could. Opening it up, in flowery and loopy lettering was scribbled "12.30 Tosca & De Rio". Looking around, the locker cage was empty; the distant sound of laughter reverberating from the students huddled under verandas as the overcast skies threatened rain.

Sitting on the curb by the road signs, looking at my watch for the hundredth time, the phone booth finally rang. Taking a few weary steps towards it, the shrill ringing enough encouragement to answer. With a heavy click the call connected, and for a moment there was only silence.

"Sora?" a broken voice whispered.

"Kairi?" I mumbled, with such heaviness, such a pinned-down hope that finally, after all this time, she was safe. I dared not think it, in fear of jinxing it all. But then again, I knew no-one else who would call.

Through the crackle of the telephone came a hesitant, restrained, "...Yeah. How-hows things?"

I snapped bitterly, "Status Quo."

"It's been a while..."

"Six months." I broke, pushing hard against the glass walls of the booth, my hand clenched firmly around the receiver. The crackle and hiss in the silence turned into sobs on the other end of the line. "It's g-good to see you, Sora."

"Kai, lets meet somewhere." Leaning back, the window gave a quiet groan under the pressure. I glanced along the street. Empty.

"I-I... I can't, Sora."

"Why not?" I tried not to sound as desperate as I was, tried to soothe her as the tears got louder. It killed me to hear her like this. "Why not, Kai?"

"I-I really screwed up Sora. I really screwed up." She breathed, gulped the tears back for a moment, then, "I did everything they said with the key, I didn't know it was bad, but the king's on it now for poor Strife and they're playing it all on me."

"Slow down now, what?"

"You-you got to help me Sora, I think Rocks– Oh no!" With a thunderous click the line went dead, and the violent roar of a motorbike hurtling past, the receiver tossed and reverberating against the glass. The bike turned a corner, its driver clad head-to-toe in black. And then they were gone.

Returning to my lunch at the corner of Tosca and De Rio, I took one last look around. Obscured by bushes, in the middle of a park across the road was an empty telephone box, its door swinging roughly in the breeze.

~*~

At the back of a class, it's easy to pretend you're paying attention by just not saying anything. As long as you aren't disruptive, the teachers don't mind. While the last class of the day winded down, my mind ticked round and round like a clock, getting stuck every once in a while like all good clocks should. Wandering through the mobs of people, disconnected from them all, and lost deep in thought as they ran through the pelting rain. Stuck, the mechanisms stopped whirring in my brain as I found where my feet had led me.

The air hung heavy with moisture, as the lonely girl looked up, her latest drawing in hand.

"Sora, it's been a while." She piped, scattering pencils and paper as to make a space for me to sit; I kept to my feet, pacing in front of her. "Haven't seen you in what, a couple of months?"

"It has been a while." I picked up one of her latest works, a portrait of a couple kids in our year sitting on the sidewalk, she snatched it back, protective, "It's not finished yet..."

I cut to the chase, "You give Kairi my locker number?"

"Couple of days ago, came out of nowhere. Would've told ya. No idea where she is now though."

"She say anything strange?"

"Not really... seemed upset though. Why?"

"She called me. Said four words I didn't know. Mind if I run them past you?"

"Shoot."

Namine always loved figuring out people, which is why she sat alone – unusually bright for her age and yet so limited when it came to understanding concepts like friendship. I was probably the first person to talk to her in a week; but she would probably be able to tell you everything and anything that was going on in the school, topside and underground.

"Key? Or Bad Key?"

She pondered for a moment, before shrugging it off, "Nope."

"Rocks?"

"Rocks is a real buzz word going round at the moment; not sure of the dictionary definition but I think it's something along the lines of milk and vodka."

"No good, bad context. Poor Strife?"

"Strife... Cloud Strife was a sophomore last year; real trash, hit maybe a class a week. Didn't know him then, haven't seen him since."

"King?"

"King... 'the' king?"

"Yeah, The King."

"Well, The King's sort of a local spook story. Supposed to be old, supposed source of all the junk in this town. But I bet you got every rat together and asked them to put up their hands if any of them had seen The King, you'd get a crowd full of pockets."

I stopped pacing, Namine looking up at me, waiting for a reaction, an emotion, something to slip. I wasn't about to give her that pleasure. "Thanks." I mumbled, before heading off, Namine already scribbling away at a new drawing that could only be that of my back, footsteps fading into the sounds and colours of raindrops.

~*~

Treading lightly, like stepping along a path strewn with broken glass, I approached where I knew he would be. This wasn't going to be pretty, and with a bit of luck it would only have to be ugly for a while. It was the very back of the school, where even teachers dared not investigate, the alleyway covered in a prowling, predatory darkness. At first, all I could see was a pair of piercing azure eyes looking straight out to the wire fence, unfazed by my appearance at his side, then the shape of his lazily slumped body, leaned up against the wall. Riku's face looked gaunt, the bags under his eyes told tales of late-night ventures into the city, the neon lights so bright they tired his eyes. A lit cigarette billowed smoke that tangled and danced in the air, and he flicked the filter's end with his thumb, to clear the ash away.

"I'm looking for Kairi."

Riku inhaled, held it for a long time, then exhaled the white smoke in a stream, his words tinged with the foul taste of tobacco, "Hey, Sora, _maybe_ you shouldn't be here."

"Where's Kai?" I pressed, keeping a few feet's distance away in case he or any of his boys decided to try take a swing. They were sizeable, and maybe one-on-one I could take them, but I was outnumbered four to one.

"I don't know." Riku had changed, all right.

"I know you do so why don't you want me to find out?" I took a step, and he finally looked me in the eyes, anger already written in the lines of his face.

"Listen man I've got plenty on my plate without dealing with some jealous loverboy."

Another step and I would have totalled him then and there.

"It's not about that."

Looking back at the fence, he relit his dying cigarette, "Well you better deal with whatever this ain't about and drop it."

Through gritted teeth, I tried one last time, "Where's she at?"

Smuggly, Riku smiled, "She's with me. She was high when she called you, freaked out, told me to shake you when you came by. She said you'd only make things worse." He flicked the remains of his cigarette at the fence, still burning, before being dampened and extinguished by the dripping rain.

I turned to walk away, hearing over my shoulder, "Deal with whatever this ain't about and drop it." I stopped in my tracks, hands balled into fists in my jacket pockets. I searched for something witty to say, but came up blank. After a few moments, I continued my step, the shadows clinging to my feet as I stepped out into the rain and headed towards home.

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**A/N: **So things are getting a bit darker and a bit sharper, and also as promised a bit of transformation from normal KH universe/storyline is taking place. This is not going to become one of those terribly-written (not all of them are, mind, but most are) High School fics where I am a character in the world. It just makes sense as a setting, and definitely allows for exploration... Hmm. If anyone is reading this and catches all the lines/references, keep them to yourself. People who aren't as wise for the wear should just let the mystery unfold, much more exciting that way.

See you at the usual haunt.  
**DDR1.**


End file.
